College Crushes, Romance, Relationships etc...

A letter

 Hello Tani mam,

    

Mam, lol, it’s been nearly 3-4 odd years now, since you finished college, but the habit still lasts, Tani mam... (we addressed our seniors as sirs n mams... off their asking and not our liking..)

 This letter thingy, wouldn’t make any difference now, it’s just that a weird ‘morning dream’… (let’s not discuss the dream, here, it was just the one time, in all my life, that mom actually caught me involved in a below the belt activity… in the dream, yup…)… jogged the mind down a memory lane, I’d stopped visiting, consciously, erm… quite some time ago, now. But the sub conscious plays its own games and so, here we are… 

      Crush… I don’t know, probably, that’s what it was… a crush that you are completely, completely smitten with, probably of the sort you have for a senior (Since you were one) or a teacher, But I really doubt if it was just that... It was like, you were always in the lab so within reach, moving around, your tiny self, I won’t get into grandiose revelry about your grace n panache, coz  that would just be grandiose revelry no more, but as a fact, your trampling around, the  rows you had with the lab techies, the interactions within your triad, those that could be heard without, well… eavesdropping, coz you guys always talked as if, only the three of you existed and then, I was probably a test tube lying around, who perceived, gathered, collected more trash than its fill… well I have always been that, a trash collector, sometimes a test tube, at others a painting, a chair on one occasion or probably a part of the interaction on another… it’s fun collecting these tit bits, coz you can churn them later, like, probably now…

      You always had very fiery discussions the 3 of you, remember??? You, raima mam and Hobbit (one bird or another) sir… yup Mr Hobbit... No hard feelings mate, but I was always jealous of him, obvious reasons!!!??? Lol… Well I knew then, that he was just a friend (though, I’d like to believe Mr Hobbit liked you more than just a friend likes another…) and you were going around with another one; how did I know??? Such things are, I guess, common knowledge… and then there was one time, I believe when you were discussing him…probably more like abusing him, roflz…  I also remember a debate about guyz n gurlz... lolz… you and Mr Hobbit were a riot that day... probably you don’t even remember these things.. I do, not just coz you were a part of the frame, but coz it’s fun to regurgitate these frames later, as a third person (the older the frames the better, coz by then even if at one time the frame has been a very personal memory, time has a habit of blurring, distancing things and one can be a third person to one’s own past self… when sufficient time has passed) and well they add oodles to a blog, lolz…

             … and yet it is because of these frames that you are etched in my mind, I don’t know if that would be for ever, but so far… and here is where the difference is, there are lots of frames etched, but the people in the frame are not always relevant… but here I carry in my mind, the person with the frame…

     There were lots of times when I wanted to pop into the discussions, but then, there were so many things that held me back… held me back until, now, probably… The lab work in hand, the knowledge that you were seeing someone or for that matter the fact that I was seeing, one girl in my class (there were others of course)… plus, it was a supposed to be a private conversation, though one would hardly imagine, it was... with the tones (like I said earlier)… even that wasn’t so much a hindrance, coz I barge into conversations at the strangest of places in the weirdest of scenarios… Nor do I believe, the fact that you were a senior would have made any difference, (off the record, I was dating one of your classmates there about) what did make all the difference was you… smitten by you as I was…  Probably, Mr Hobbit had some idea about my feelings, now to think of it, he probably did… or maybe he didn’t, he’s the best person to shed any light on that aspect of the matter, which doesn’t matter anyway… not any longer at least…

       I remember, on the farewell, you were one person, well probably the third person, who my eyes were glued to… then things happened abrupt and fast or rather nothing of relevance to these going ons, happened… other things caught up projects, exams, other girls… and one fine day I was told that you’d left and gone… I added you on orkut and facebook, sundry incidences of not much relevance, either… just my attempts to keep a track of what goes on in the life of one more person etched in the thoughts…

…and then today the dream and regurgitations, like I like to call them… spontaneous over-flow of (sometimes irrelevant) uncontrolled emotions… fit to be the first post on this new blog… ‘Verbal Diarrhoea’… that is what I reckon verbal diarrhoea is all about…. A spontaneous over-flow of emotions, relevance and control not withstanding…

The_Word

P.S.- The above post is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any individual or event would be purely a matter of extreme coincidence.. ;)